


Maybe I’ll burn a little brighter tonight, let the fire breathe me back to life

by thunderingskies



Series: You bring out the worst in me [7]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Past Drug Addiction, Rebuilding Friendships, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 13:58:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10439202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderingskies/pseuds/thunderingskies
Summary: Hajime doesn’t know what to expect when he rings the bell at Tooru’s place.It’s been just over a year and a half since he’s seen Tooru. Well, 541 days, if you ask Hajime. Not that he’s counting.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who leaves comments, those are so sweet and I cherish every one of them - they're amazing motivation when I'm finding it hard to even think about writing.<3

Hajime doesn’t know what to expect when he rings the bell at Tooru’s place.

It’s been just over a year and a half since he’s seen Tooru. Well, 541 days, if you ask Hajime. Not that he’s counting.

Since Hajime left, Tooru’s moved to a new place. It’s nice. Bigger than his old apartment, that’s for sure. He’s got four walls and a front yard now. He can finally grow that flower garden he always used to talk about it, late at night when they’d hide from the world together in Hajime’s bed. Before the addiction, before all of it, back when they were just Hajime and Tooru, and they didn’t have all of this baggage hanging off of them.

Hajime gets halfway up the walkway before he sees it, snug against the house, a few flowers already sprouting. Red, pink, yellow. Hajime doesn’t know the names of them, but they’re pretty, and they really suit Tooru’s personality. Hajime can just imagine how focused he must have been when planting them, paying attention to how closely they’re planted together and in which order, because he always used to say,  _ the devil’s in the details, Iwa-chan! _

It’s been an eternity since he’s heard him say those words.

He knows that if he hovers for too long he’s going to chicken out, so Hajime goes right for it. He steps up to this unfamiliar door, searches for the bell and rings it. 

He calculates how much time he’d need to make a clean getaway - six seconds, maybe eight? Either way, it’s too long, because the door’s being thrown open before he’s ready for it.

And there’s Tooru.

Hajime’s heart is beating so fast he can feel it in his throat. 

Again,  _ finally _ , after so long, after so many nights lying awake thinking about all the things he wants to say to him, all of the things he needs him to know and understand, Tooru is  _ here. _

And Hajime hasn’t a damn clue what to say.

He knew this was going to be emotional. He  _ knew _ that it wasn’t going to be easy, but he didn’t expect it to feel like this. Guilt. Shame. Fear. He’s a wreck, and shit - what were all those things that he wanted to  _ say _ ? All he can think is  _ I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry- _

Tooru looks the same as he used to, but also… different. He’s staring at Hajime, brown eyes wide, hand gripping the edge of the door tightly. He’s dressed for work, in a pair of black slacks and a white button-up. He looks like he has even less idea what to say than Hajime does, which is fair considering that he wasn’t expecting him. 

Hajime shuffles on his feet. He takes a deep breath, and lets it out, forcing himself to look up and meet Tooru’s eye. He offers him a crooked smile, and his voice comes out quietly. 

“Hi,” his voice cracks when he speaks, volume barely louder than a whisper, but Tooru hears it. 

Tooru stumbles forward, and this time, Hajime is there to meet him. He falls into Hajime’s arms, and Hajime pulls him in, warm and close, and Tooru just melts against him like he was waiting for this. Tooru draws his arms around Hajime and squeezes him like his life depends on it. 

Hajime inhales and presses his face into Tooru’s hair, swallowing back tears. 

It all just comes pouring out. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, voice quiet and uneven, “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…” He repeats it, over and over, until the words all bleed together, and all they can do is hold each other.  _ Finally.  _ Hajime caused so much pain, so much hurt - but Tooru still accepts him. 

That gives him enough confidence to  _ talk. _

They stay pressed together for a while, before Hajime finally pulls back, and wipes his face with the sleeve of his jacket. Tooru’s still sniffling, but he looks up with Hajime with so much  _ hope. _

“Can I… come in?” He’s still hesitant. A little afraid, but Tooru nods. He smiles at him, and nods.

They sit down for tea, and Hajime talks. He has a  _ lot _ to say. Talking isn’t easy, but Hajime has to do it, and he knows it. It’s one of the things he learned in therapy - be open and communicate his feelings clearly, no matter how difficult it might be. 

He confirms what Tooru had spent all this time hoping - that he went to rehab. He’s been clean a year and three months now, after one relapse during his stay at rehab. 

It was  _ hard _ , but, he knew he had to do it. Stick to it. It was the only way he was ever going to get to  _ live  _ again. 

“You relapsed?” Tooru asks, voice quiet, hardly audible. He’s sitting next to Hajime now, a hand on Hajime’s arm. Hajime nods.

“Yeah. Just once. Waking up in that hospital.. I knew if it ever happened again, I’d be dead. And I… I couldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t  _ end _ like that.”

Rehab lead to a sober living home, where he spent another year of his life out in the country on a farm. Working, living,  _ learning _ how to live his life again. Starting to build up his muscles again, weak from going so long without using them properly. He went to bed sore for months, but he could feel the difference.  _ See _ it. He started getting energy back, started wanting to do things he once loved again. Therapy played a huge part in that, and it’s something that he still does, that he’ll probably still need for a while to come. 

“But you’re back?” Oikawa swallows, “You’re.. living here again?”

Hajime nods. “Yeah… the program helped set me up with an apartment… and a small job… it’s not much, but it’s something to bring in some money, and routine to the day… and I need that.” He takes a deep breath, and offers Oikawa a smile, tears in his eyes. His voice is shaking when he speaks again. “I’ve got my life back on track… and I’m going to try my best… and work hard to keep it this way. This is something I’m going to have to work on for my entire life… but… I’m ready to move forward... “ He takes another breath, fighting back more tears. “I can’t ask you for anything, Tooru… but… if you could find it in yourself to forgive me… or- or if you wanted to move on… I would love to get to know you again… to maybe be friends again, someday…”

Tooru shifts, rubbing away fresh tears. He nods, smiling, soft and happy. “Yes… of course we can, silly… we can do this.” He laughs, soft and beautiful.

Relief floods Hajime’s senses, and he feels like he can finally breathe again. “I have a new phone now… maybe I can give you my number… and we can talk? I’ll call you… or text. We can grab some dinner, or see a movie… or just catch up… would that be okay?”

Tooru nods, beaming, and gets up to grab his cell phone from his bag. He comes back and they exchange phone numbers. Tooru types his name in with a bunch of emojis - it’s nice to see that some things haven’t changed, but he keeps Hajime’s phone, examining it. 

“Iwa-chan, did you have to go into a time machine to get this phone?” He laughs, waving it in his hand. “I feel like I could drop it on the floor and it’d do more damage to the floor than the floor would do to it.” He snickers, tossing it back at Hajime, who chuckles.

“I thought about getting something new and nicer, but then it wouldn’t have a  _ keyboard-” _

“That’s the point! I’m honestly surprised that thing even has emojis.” 

Hajime huffs out a laugh, shaking off some of the tension in his shoulders that he didn’t realize he was still carrying. He looks over at Tooru, with his bright, sassy smile; it’s a sight that Hajime remembers all too well, and it gives Hajime hope. 

Hope for them.

They talk a little bit more, but it isn’t long before an alarm sounds on Tooru’s phone, and he curses under his breath. “I have to get going… I have work…” He bites his lip, standing up. Hajime follows suit, nodding. “But we’ll meet up again soon, okay?”

Hajime nods. He’s not going to miss this, the second chance he hardly dared dream he’d get. “Of course. Whatever you want to do, okay?”

Tooru smiles at him, and doesn’t hesitate to pull him into a hug. Hajime hugs him back, warm and tight and everything he’s been missing. The kind of hug that says more than words can, the kind of hug that holds a promise. Hope.

They pull away from each other, eyes teary, but full of smiles.

_ We can do this. _

Hajime says his goodbyes, heading out to go and catch the next bus to go home. Halfway there he feels his phone vibrate; he pulls it out, only to see a text from Tooru.

_ Don’t wait too long to invite me out for dinner! _

Hajime stops in his tracks, staring down at the text message. He breaks out in a smile, eyes tearing up again as he laughs. It’s unbelievable, almost.. He’s so happy and excited… His hands shake as he types out a reply. 

It’s nerve wracking, it’s terrifying, but it’s  _ time. _

Hajime’s ready to live his life again.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how to pace myself ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
